If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
– Charles Pierce
You don’t have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
– John Ciardi
I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.
– Groucho Marx
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
– Ambrose Bierce
Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
– Oscar Wilde
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
– George Bernard Shaw
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
– Anonymous
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
– Gordon Dickson
Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
– Anonymous
You have delighted us long enough.
– Jane Austen
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
– Anonymous
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
– Anonymous
You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good.
– Anonymous
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
– Anonymous
Cookbooks bear the same relation to real books that microwave food bears to your grandmother’s.
– Andrei Codrescu
As regards rap music, I believe that the c is silent.
– Dr. Tony Giles
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.
– Samuel Butler
